Monday, October 29, 2007
Madden 08: The massacre of Willie Jefferson
One of the other little tidbits about Michael Vick's trial that sort of slipped under the radar was the discovery of beagles on his property. They were used to train pit bulls in the art of the kill. Presumably, these beagles were just helpless chew dummies for the big, vicious fightin' hounds.
I point this out because at Willie's house last night, in our much-hyped Madden 2008 showdown (De La Hoya - Mayweather ain't had nothin' on us), Willie was the beagle. I almost feel guilty, but when that XBox fires up and the Madden music starts playing and I have the controller in my hand... I don't know... I just become a killing machine. It scares me a little. I'm like one of Vick's best doggies, determined to make a blood smear of my opponent (for fear of being drowned or electrocuted, maybe?).
Anyway, Willie's record in the "Man Space" (which actually is quite cool) is now 40-2.
I should feel bad, I guess. Willie's son Trey was bouncing off the walls and climbing on the ceiling while I was whoopin' his dad. Willie's daughter (a.k.a. The Best Looking Baby on the Planet) was in the house too. But that's what he - and any other fool who dares take me on - gets.
We played two games, and Willie picked the Ravens both times. This is always a sign of a weak Madden player. No one who enjoys the game is going to pick the same team twice in a row, especially the lame Ravens. He's got a dude crush on McNair, though, because they both went to Alcorn St.
I was the Saints. In the first quarter, Deuce returned a kickoff for a touchdown and I got two interceptions (one was a user pick. User picks feel better than... anything). He blitzed the crud out of me and knocked Drew Brees out of the game with a concussion on my first offensive series, but it didn't matter. Reggie Bush took over and I won 42-7.
The next game it was Titans-Ravens. I presumed it would be another beat down when Vince Young ran 75 yards for a touchdown on my first play, but Willie actually stayed close. Baltimore's defense is nasty, man. He hung close thanks to a huge game from Willis McGahee, and even tied it with 30 seconds left. Then some white receiver caught a slant from McNair, turned upfield and got his head blown off by Keith Bullock, fumbled, and Young handled the rest. Another win for The Flip Side, 28-21.
It never should have been that close. Willie was saying that if we were playing a first-person shooter he would have crushed me, and that might be true. I've tried to focus more on girls and exercise since entering my 20s, so shooting aliens with plasma guns for hours at a time isn't really part of my extensive skills set.
Anyway, Willie learned his lesson, and Trey was too busy smashing his toys together to notice his dad was being smoked. Anyone else who wants some, step up. I'll make you my Madden beagle too.